Dragon Ball GT ep 44 - The Ultimate Artificial Human! The Two #17s Unite

Before meeting Hell Fighter #17 to merge into a single being, #17 has come to #18 to urge his twin to join him in world conquest. Kuririn tries to get him to see reason, to get him to remember he never worked willingly for Dr. Gero before, and that he shouldn't now. #17 pauses and begins to doubt, when Hell Fighter #17 invades his mind to once again call out to him.

So 17 shoots Kuririn dead.

#18 reacts about as well as you might imagine.

(Rad.)

But in the end, #18 can't withstand the new "powered up" #17's full strength, and she's taken down with a blast of his ki. 17 flies off to join his clone in battle against Vegeta.

"... Kuririn..."

"... I loved you."

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Wait. Whoa. You mean to tell me, the first time characters in this show explicitly state their romantic love for another, and it's in the middle of the fucking Super #17 Saga? Where the fuck were tender moments like this when the story wasn't total fucking garbage? What the fuck kind of narrative is this?

Oh. Right.

Meanwhile, in MEGA HELL (which is also my nickname for DBGT), Goku is still frozen and a couple of idiot babies are about to finish him off for good.

Cell and Freeza, respectively.

But then Goku's icy tomb just... melts.

Just like that. The weird old woman explains the ice is only meant to work on the dead, so living bodies are too hot for it. That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life, but you know, I'm the one who decided to watch Dragon Ball GT today so I only have myself to blame.

(Kaioken ice escape, we'll never see something as awesome as you again.)

Goku kicks the two idiots in the head,

points the ice machine at them and turns it on,

and freezes Cell and Freeza, finally ending their "rematch".

(It's the narrative equivalent of the most attractive person you can imagine being into you, but when they speak they can only do it in a silly clown voice.)

Enough of that, I want to be disappointed back on Earth.

Gohan and General Rild keep fighting,

then Oob shows up and explodes Rild in one blast.

And I'm properly disappointed.

At least I can count on you for that.

Vegeta, Oob, and the useless twins stand together as the two #17s merge.

Together, they become the fearsome Super #17, the most powerful Artificial Human.

Who... looks exactly like the lead singer from The 69 Eyes.

Vegeta charges at him,

but his punch does nothing,

and goddammit it's exactly like when Cell became Perfect. (Goddammit.)

Gohan tries to blast him with a Kamehameha...

... which... ughhhh... does nothing.

Then Super #17 beats everyone up.

"Fuck me!"

But Vegeta isn't down for the count.

"Final Shine..."

"... Attack!!!"

"I'm not completely useless yet!"

(Man, Vegeta, that should be your catchphrase.)

"... Fuck me."

(Or that.)

Back in the Next World, King Yama explains to Goku that something is interfering with his ability to let Goku out of Hell.

Then we're shown this ominous cracking Dragon Ball.

The implication is that the Minus Energy that's built up inside the Dragon Balls (which the next story arc will be all about) is preventing Yama from doing his job. But that's fucking stupid because the Dragon Balls haven't been used in 16 years, and because the Dragon Balls on Earth have little to do with the Next World, which governs the entire Universe. (Universe 7, in Dragon Ball Super canon.) So this storyline continues to be stupider than Garlic Jr. Saga and the Cell Game, if they got together and had a horrific baby. (We'd probably call it Bleach or something.) And I only have myself to blame.

Luckily, Piccolo has an idea, but he needs to be sent to Hell to do it. Yama says he can't be sent to Hell, since he's already been permitted to live in Heaven. (But Paikuhan can do whatever he wants.)

"You lousy bureaucrat!"

Then Piccolo starts blowing up Heaven.

"You idiot! I'm actually the extremely evil Piccolo Daimao!"

So Piccolo is sent to Hell.

His is the green dick that shall pierce the Heavens.

Play us out, boys!