Less than five months remain until the Saiyans arrive on Earth, and Goku has at last conquered Kaio-sama's planet's gravity, which is ten times that of Earth, by catching Bubbles. Goku impatiently says the time left to train is barely enough to catch his breath. Kaio wryly bellows, then waits for the sound to race across his tiny planet and come back to them (because sound works like that right?), making the joke that it takes awhile to catch one's breath. "Are you sure you're all that strong?" Goku asks, honestly astounded by the strange old master.
"How rude!" says Gregory.
Introducing Gregory
The other person that lives on Kaio's planet.
"It looks like a cricket."
"C-cricket?!"
"That's crickedicilous."
(I think he's hilarious.)
Gregory, who looks after Kaio-sama, is affronted by Goku's remark, and shames him for it. Of course he gets no help from Kaio, who is too busy laughing at his own joke. "I can only put up with so much shamelessness from such a whippersnapper!" Gregory fumes. "But I ain't even carrying a whip..." Goku says curiously. Kaio starts laughing again.
So the next phase in Goku's training begins. Like Bubbles, Goku has to catch Gregory, but with the additional challenge of smacking Gregory over the head with a heavy mallet. Not only is the mallet too heavy for Goku to properly lift, but Gregory is much, much faster than Bubbles.
The training goes something like this...
The little blue dot is Gregory zipping around.
The orange-clad muscle man accidentally destroying Kaio's car is Goku.
"It's a good thing I'm so cheerful..."
Elsewhere, Piccolo trains Gohan.
(Man, Piccolo really is a better parent than Goku.)
Atop Kami's Temple in the Heavenly Realm, the B-Team train for the coming Saiyans.
Tenshinhan and Yamcha engage in an intense match.
While Yajirobe bites Kuririn's ass.
(I bet you can't guess which two will be dead in five months.)
Back at Kaio's planet, Goku enjoys a delicious supper, taking a break from his training with Gregory. The subject of the Saiyans comes up, and Kaio says he knows the story of their race... Being the most knowledge man in the cosmos! (After Carl Sagan.) Goku begs to hear the story, wishing to know about himself, and his enemies (as Mr. Popo would advise).
Insert song, ahoy!
Long ago, on the Planet Vegeta, there were two races.
The tiny and technologically advanced Tsufruians.
And the brutal and primitive Saiyans.
Who had the hottest ladies.
One day, the Saiyans decided to destroy the Tsufruians.
But the Tsufruians fought back with their superior weapons.
However, the moon, which came out every 8 years,
transformed the Saiyans into the monstrous Oozaru!
And the Tsufruians let out a collective "Awww, fuck."
But the Saiyans were too dumb to advance further as a society without the Tsufruians, so they teamed up with rich aliens for technology, in exchange for conquering planets... which is what the Saiyans wanted to do anyway, because fuck it, why not? A whole race of sentient people can be complete sociopaths, right? Right?
So they sent babies to planets.
Their Kami didn't like this, so he summoned a meteorite to destroy the planet.
And only four Saiyans survived.
(Also, this story is pretty much made up. I think Kaio-sama is an alcoholic. It would explain a lot of things.)
"Now... fer yer next bit a trainin' -hic-, I'mma need you to run to CVS."
After training the B-Team for a grand total of four months, Kami-sama dismisses them, saying he has no more to teach them. (But wait... what about all that stuff you taught Goku? Y'know, exploring one's inner turmoil and mastering one's spirit? Traveling into the past to learn from the masters of old? Quietly like the sky, and quicker than lightning? Any of that? Any of it at all?)
("No.")
Two weeks pass by, and finally Son Goku manages to nail Gregory on the head with the mallet. Having truly mastered ten times Earth's gravity, Goku is ready to learn Kaio-sama's techniques. The Kaioken and... THAT attack...!!
The fateful hour is nearly here!!
...and that's why anime writers shouldn't be allowed to improv backstory. Gregory was a cute addition though.
ReplyDeleteI always like to think that Kaio didn't tell Goku because he didn't want to horrify him, or put the idea of fighting Freeza into his head (considering how much he protests later).
us the bit about Kami, I like the backstory. Also, what the hell is with the team splitting up to train? They always do this! This is especially stupid since the Saiyans are coming. Surely they would improve faster with training partners than they would on their own.
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