Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Dragon Ball: Mystical Adventure (Movie 3)



Pilaf, Shuu, and Mai have completed a masterpiece. At the whim of their mysterious masters, the trio constructed a giant Dragon Radar. They promise their masters that they will have their silence. All that is left now is their reward.

 "You guys are fortunate to be able to receive your reward from me."
Tao Pai Pai smirks.


Then something so horrible occurs... that it happens entirely off camera!


Picking up right where The Sleeping Princess in Devil's Castle left off, Goku and Kuririn have been training under Kame Sen'nin for an unclear amount of time (but if they used a fade out, it would seem like more time has passed in a montage...). Proving their strength by moving the gigantic boulder Kame Sen'nin dared them to move (as a means to distract them...), Goku and Kuririn remind their master his promise to teach them his real techniques! But it turns out they've been learning his martial arts style the entire time they've been doing their daily exercises. And to prove their newly gained skill, Kame Sen'nin has promised to take them to the Tenka-ichi Budokai being held in the far off country of Mifan.

The boys can scarcely believe how far they've come.

But Mifan is a country in turmoil. The young Emperor, Chaozu, has had his "bride" stolen from him (I say "bride", because it's actually just a doll. We all know who his true bride is, don't we?), and his soldiers raid the countryside in search of "her". But the citizenry feel things have changed for the worst since Crane was appointed to Chaozu's cabinet.

Tsuru Sen'nin aka Crane aka DJ Craney Crunk

Emperor Chaozu and his bodyguard Tenshinhan.
(And dearest lover.)

Tsuru Sen'nin brings his emperor the sad news that they cannot find his sex doll bride anywhere within Mifan, so that they must assume she is out of their grasp. But he has a solution - They make a request of Shen Long, the Dragon God summoned when one collects all seven Dragon Balls, to grant their desire. Tsuru Sen'nin shows Chaozu their new Dragon Radar, and says that it will be simple to use their military to collect the balls. But not everyone is on board with this plan...

Captain of the Guard, Blue.
"Your Majesty, dearie, even if we were to assemble the seven Dragon Balls, the Minister may not use them on Your Majesty's behalf. Moreover, there is one corner of the palace that has not been searched for Ran Ran-sama..."
"Your room, my dear Minister!"

Blue can sense a conspiracy among the cabinet. A plot to manipulate their young emperor's naivety for their own gain. But before Blue can do more than voice his suspicions, Tsuru Sen'nin's brother arrives.

 Tao Pai Pai.
 Blue engages Tao in combat, using his Psychic Abilities.
Unaffected by Blue's powers, however, Tao kills the Captain with a single blow to the head. With his fucking tongue.

"He should have watched his mouth, if not mine."

(When Blue asked you to tongue fuck his head, I don't think that's what he meant, Tao.)

Crane and Tao promise to bring back Ran Ran (Chaozu's fuck toy) as soon as possible.

Bulma Co. after winning a gun fight with the Mifan military.

The Mifan military acts immediately, sending out units to all corners of the planet to uncover the seven Dragon Balls. But our old friend Bulma is after them as well! And when they engage her she takes them out with all the skill a 16-year-old girl would have against fully trained and qualified career military pilots. After murdering complete strangers without a second glance, she turns her airplane into a sub (duh) and dives undersea to gather a Dragon Ball. Oolong, Yamcha, and Puar have been tricked to come along, under the guise that they'd be visiting Goku.


But undersea, the Mifan Navy is waiting for them. Before Bulma can grab the Dragon Ball, a Mifan submarine fires three torpedoes at our heroes!! Bulma expertly outmaneuvers them, but that doesn't stop them from blowing up undersea rock formations - the shock waves of which throw our heroes into a torrent of trouble!


Meanwhile, on their way to the Budokai in Mifan, Goku is amazed that commercial airplanes can fly, Muten Roshi grabs a stewardess' ass, and Morally Dubious Lunch can't help but hijack planes. And poor Umigame, this is why he can't go places.

Mifan Palace.
"Eaaahhh! What a huge house!" -Goku

The Budokai matches will take place inside the palace. Roshi explains to his pupils that, should they win, their prize is a single request of the Mifan Emperor; and he will grant whatever is their hearts' desire. Goku doesn't really understand the concept of heart's desires, but Kuririn is ready to win! Muten Roshi instructs that their main goal should be to fight powerful opponents and make close observations... as he begins to scope out young girls. (Stay classy, Kame Sen'nin)


The Land of Karin is being scoured by the Mifan military. Bora, ancestral guardian of Karin Tower, and his son Upa have the Dragon Ball that Mifan seeks - but when the ball is found, all the slave workers from Karin will be killed. Sensing a conspiracy coming from Mifan, Bora decides they must leave for that country at once.

A Mifan aircraft officer tries to stop them, however...
 So Bora tanks a barrage of bullets with his chest, then throws a giant boulder.
He ain't even mad.

Back at Mifan, Tsuru Sen'nin only needs one last Dragon Ball to summon Shen Long. An officer arrives to tell him the last ball is approaching from the Karin, but having heard nothing from their unit there, they can only assume someone else is bringing it!! (Hint, it's Bora and Upa) That's when Tsuru Sen'nin notices the spy-bot hanging outside his room, capturing video of where he hides his Dragon Balls.

Bulma's spy-bot.

Once again, a giant military industrial complex is outsmarted and outmaneuvered by a 16-year-old girl in her spare time. And Bulma isn't done yet - with the promise of a Budokai and lots of pretty girls, she manages to convince Yamcha, Oolong, and Puar to follow her right into Mifan to steal the Dragon Balls!


Back in Mifan, our heroes enjoy a quiet dinner. Goku eats everything in sight, and Lunch nearly chokes when she hears police sirens (until she remembers she's never been to Mifan before...). The sirens are, however, for Bora and Upa....


Military officers enter the restaurant and approach Bora. Their leader reckons he looks as if he's from Karin. They demand he comes with them for questioning. Unwilling to give in to their demands, he stands up and tells Upa to hide. An officer chases after Upa, who dips under Goku Co.'s table...

 Causing the officer to ram right into a feasting Son Goku.
 Bad move.
 The officers say that if they interfere, they'll pay.
But Goku and Lunch are itching for a fight.
 At that point, Sgt. Metallic enters.
That's when shit hits the fan.
Metallic brings his fist down on Goku Co.'s table, and our heroes jump quickly out of the way. Bora dashes for Upa, and tosses his poncho in Metallic's face. Then the rest of the gang attacks..!
It turns out that Sgt. Metallic is (gasp) a robot.
After Goku knocks off his cybernetic head, it flies toward the entrance...
 ...Where it is caught by Tao Pai Pai.

Tao is impressed by Son Goku's skill - more surprised still to see that Muten Roshi, the famed God of Martial Arts, is with this boy. And seemingly, with the man from Karin as well. Bora attempts to escape the restaurant with Upa, but Tao blocks his path. Bora loses his patience and engages Tao with his spear...

Tao easily stops him in his tracks.

That's when Muten Roshi interjects: "Do you realize you're acting against us, while we're guests of His Majesty, the Emperor? For many years, those who enter the Budokai being held tomorrow have been considered special guests of the Mifan Emperor himself." So Tao lets them leave, under the condition that they are not to stray from the city limits. Bora is now entered into the Budokai.

That night in their hotel room, Bora explains to our heroes about the Mifan conspiracy. Bora, Goku, and Kuririn each agree that should they win the Budokai, and an audience with Emperor Chaozu, they will ask him to end the madness in Karin.

Bora and Upa reveal the Dragon Ball. 
Realizing it is Son Gohan's 4-star-ball, they give it to an ecstatic Goku!

That night at Mifan Palace...
"I'm Chaozu. Ten, when it's just the two of us, you promised that's what you'd call me."
"Yeah, that's right." Ten embraces him. "Chaozu."


The next morning, Bulma greets Goku and Kuririn as she arrives to break into Mifan Palace and steal the Dragon Balls! Roshi tries to talk her into some Pafu Pafu, and promptly gets smashed by a mallet. Before leaving, Bulma recruits Lunch to help her steal the balls. 

Oh, and Yamcha has entered the Budokai as well. 


Pffft. Yeah. What else did you expect would happen, Yamcha?

With none of the other contestants wanting to get their shit wrecked by Bora, the Budokai nearly takes an abrupt end! Goku and Kuririn are relieved! Now Bora can meet with Emperor Chaozu!

But Tao Pai Pai enters the ring.

 Elsewhere, Puar and Oolong have transformed into Chaozu and Tsuru Sen'nin, so that Bulma and Lunch can sneak in undetected.
But undetected isn't really Lunch's style.


Tao easily subdues Bora, asking where the Dragon Ball is hidden. Bora refuses to talk. Goku and Kuririn plea with Bora to concede the match, to let them handle Tao Pai Pai... 

In a flash, Bora is dead. Murdered by Tao Pai Pai.

 In a fury, Son Goku launches at Tao!
But Tao Pai Pai is far too quick for our hero!!
 Goku retaliates with a Kamehameha!
 But Tao is unaffected and counters with a deadly Dodonpa!
The attack sends Goku flying....!!!

Tsuru Sen'nin's coup is staged, and Chaozu realizes that all his advisers had been conspiring against him. Even  his dearest Tenshinhan... But the final Dragon Ball has flown far away from Mifan!

"It looks like this spared your life."

Karin-sama, master of Karin Tower in the Land of Karin, picks up Goku's Dragon Ball, which saved his life from Tao's Dodonpa. Karin gives Goku a Senzu Bean (He need a Senzu Bean because his swag is super sick), which restores his health. Karin has read Goku's mind, and instructs Goku to calm his heart; as his mind is like a pool of water, and his heart the ripples. He can only hope to defeat Tao Pai Pai if he can see things clearly. With restored ki and something to think about, Goku calls Kinto Un and chases after Tao Pai Pai...!!


Tao riding a pillar that he threw in the air and hopped on, and Goku on Kinto Un meet in mid air. And then Tao gets knocked out of the air by a flying boulder...


Back at the Mifan Palace, Bulma, Lunch, Oolong, and Puar are being pursued by Tsuru Sen'nin and his military - the other six Dragon Balls in Bulma's backpack. Tsuru Sen'nin fires a Dodonpa at Bulma, who is saved at the last moment by Yamcha!!! Then they drop into the lake below and all the Dragon Balls fall into an unreachable crevasse... Good fucking job, Yamcha.


It turns out that Arale Norimaki, robotic daughter of Senbei Norimaki, chucked the boulder at Tao Pai Pai. Because, as it turns out, she wants to play with him!

 Goku lands and confronts Tao Pai Pai for their rematch.
 And Tao promises to end his life in 3 seconds!

Between Goku's speed and the Gatchans' tying Tao's hair to a tree, it doesn't quite work out that way. Furious, Tao retaliates by blasting Arale with a Dodonpa!


 So the Gatchans' shock the fuck out of him.
And Arale is totally fine.
"Aha! So you did play with me!"


Unable to defeat Goku, Arale, and the Gatchans with skill alone, Tao opts to use trickery! He tells Goku that he's sorry, and wishes to return to Mifan with him to apologize in front of everyone. As Goku's mulling this over, Tao Pai Pai snatches the Dragon Ball from him, then takes off on his air speeder! In the distance, he fires off two rockets at the kids...

 Which Goku and Arale repel all-too easily!
And Tao Pai Pai is caught in his own trap.

Back at Mifan Palace, Sgt. Metallic is holding Upa hostage, as Muten Roshi and Kuririn fight against Tsuru Sen'nin's military. They cease fighting when Tsuru Sen'nin threatens to kill Upa, and then he calls for Tenshinhan to kill Chaozu. Ten apologizes to Chaozu, by name. Chaozu is touched by the gesture. As the two look in each other's eyes, Chaozu smiling up at him, Ten cannot go through with it. Tsuru Sen'nin isn't bothered - and prepares his own Dodonpa to kill Chaozu! But Tenshinhan calls upon his powerful Kikoho, which sends his former master Crane flying into the distance... defeated at last!!! 

Metallic makes to crush Upa... when Goku comes flying through his stomach!! At last, the Sgt. falls, inactive.


Tenshinhan returns Ran Ran (his real doll which looks suspiciously like himself...), and Chaozu forgives him. The Empire returned to Chaozu's control, with Tenshinhan once more his loyal bodyguard, there's only one more order of business.


Goku throws his grandpa's Dragon Ball into the lake where the other six had fallen, so that Shen Long can return Bora to life.

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